ISSUE: #1 “The Phlegmatic Issue”
Contents: 39 Articles by 18 Writers including… “Top 50 Mediocre Movies of All-Time,” “Street Names For Drugs Your Kids Are Taking,” “Excerpts From The New Astronaut’s Cookbook,” and MUCH MORE!
Number of Pages: 36
Average Number of Jokes per Page: 12
Paper Quality: #70 Matte
References only dogs will get: 2
Dear Readers,
When I started this magazine, I assured my staff that I would never use it as a mouthpiece for my political views.
I am about to eat crow.
Not literally, of course. Some of my best friends are crows and, from what I hear, eating raven’s meat is like gnawing on an iodine-soaked Slim Jim. But [...]
THE ARNOLD PALMER – $13
It was Palm Springs. It was the ’60s. Arnie ordered his usual—iced tea and a lemonade. The woman next to him (there was always a woman next to Arnie in those days) ordered up “That Palmer drink.” A legend was born. We’ve added a splash of vodka—hope you don’t mind.
THE JACK [...]
I General Social Data
Your name? Wife’s given and maiden name? Husband’s given name? Full names of children? Names of all other members of the household, and their relation to you? Michael Yarsky, of course. No one else in this household but me.
II Physical and Mental Conditions
Is the importance of regular sleep, bathing, care of [...]