A Conversation Between Gandhi and Nelson Mandela – Two Proponents of Civil Disobedience I Know Very Little About

Publicity still from 2008's "The Love Guru" (L), Publicity still from 2007's "Evan Almighty" (R)
Mandela: You look like an Indian version of Teddy Roosevelt.

Gandhi: I know who this person is you’re referring to because I was probably alive either during or after his presidency.

Mandela: I was definitely alive after his presidency. I am probably still alive.

Gandhi: I’m definitely dead, but it’s not like I’ve been dead for hundreds of years, because there are photographs of me and photography has only been around for like a hundred years.

Mandela: Yes, photography has been around for one hundred years.

[Gandhi’s stomach rumbles.]

Gandhi: Man, I am starving.

Mandela: That is because you are doing one of your hunger strikes.

Gandhi: I do these to prove a point of some sort?

Mandela: Yes, it is called civil disobedience.

Gandhi: And for some reason it is important to people that I eat.

Mandela: Yes, for some reason people are very concerned when you don’t eat. I don’t know why.

Gandhi: Apartheid was bad.

Mandela: Yes, it was very, very bad, and now it is over because of me.

Gandhi: Apartheid was a thing in South Africa and during it white people did bad things to black people.

Mandela: I’m not positive about the specifics, but in situations like this, it’s always safe to assume white people were the ones being assholes.

Gandhi: Same thing happened in India with me, I think. We had to defeat the white people and so I did a few of my hunger strike things and then the white people went away.

Mandela: It was a big deal when I was released from jail and then became president. Then Morgan Freeman played me in a movie.

Gandhi: I was played in a movie by an Indian guy even though he looks and sounds English.

Mandela: Ben Kingsley?

Gandhi: Yes?

Mandela: Did you see Sexy Beast?

Gandhi: Yes. That movie was pretty awesome.

Mandela: The scene where he pees with no hands. You know, the Superman. Totally sweet.

Gandhi: Have you ever, uh…?

Mandela: Tried it with no hands?

Gandhi: Yeah.

Mandela: Once… Did you?

Gandhi: Once. It went everywhere.

[They laugh.]

Mandela: Same with me. All over the place. Urine all over the place.

Just one week after defaming America’s civil rights icons,