A Conversation Between Paul Revere and Benedict Arnold – Two Revolutionary War Figures I Know Very Little About

Owner of Paul's Boutique (L), Namesake of Eggs Benedict (R)

[Revere comes riding up on a horse.]

Revere: [Declaring] Paul Revere is coming, Paul Revere is coming!

[Revere dismounts his horse next to Benedict Arnold.]

Arnold: Paul Revere is coming? Where did I just hear that? Oh, right, when I was walking by one of the bathhouses.

Revere: Good one, Arnold. A gay joke. Very clever.

Arnold: How are things, Paul?

Revere: Things are good. Riding through towns, alerting people when the British are coming.

Arnold: Of course, this is your job, riding a horse through towns telling people that the British are coming.

Revere: This is a common job in the Revolutionary Era?

Arnold: Possibly. Although we probably don’t refer to it as the Revolutionary Era while it’s happening.

Revere: Yes, we call it the ’70s.

Arnold: If you’ll excuse me, I have to go tell the British everything we just discussed.

Revere: Of course, because you are a traitor.

Arnold: The worst traitor ever. So bad at traiting, in fact, that in the future when someone is traitorous, they will refer to them as Benedict Arnold.

Revere: It’s amazing, the things you’re doing must be so bad that throughout history, people will always remember what they were.

Arnold: You would think people would remember exactly what I did that was so bad, but…

Revere: But…

Arnold: Weird that the British are the bad guys, you know? They’re the British, with their tea and foppish voices.

Revere: Apparently they are very scary these days. Intimidating even.

Arnold: Anyway, I should go tell them all of this.

[Revere mounts his horse and rides away.]

Revere: [Declaring] Paul Revere is coming, Paul Revere is coming!

[Ethan Allen walks past Benedict Arnold.]

Arnold: Hello, Ethan.

Allen: I will be a furniture store!

Arnold: I’ll go inform the British of this.