A Conversation Between Johnny Appleseed and Paul Bunyan – Two Folk Heroes I Know Very Little About

Brawny Paper Towels pitchman (L), Apple Computers founder (R)
Apple: There are apple trees throughout the country because of me.

Bunyan: I built the railroads single-handedly?

Apple: That doesn’t sound right.

Bunyan: I built the railroads faster than a machine could?

Apple: Wait, who’s John Henry?

Bunyan: Oh, is that who I’m thinking of?

Apple: I think so.

Bunyan: Quick thing, what’s on your head?

Apple: I wear a metal pot on my head as a hat. Kind of how people recognize me.

Bunyan: Sorry to backtrack here, but did you say that there are apple trees throughout the country because of you?

Apple: Wasn’t that my thing? Spreading apple seeds throughout the country?

Bunyan: I don’t even think you’re a real person. I think we might both be characters from fables.

Apple: No, I think I was definitely real first and then later became a character. Like Davy Crockett, who I know was real, but probably didn’t kill a bear at three years of age, because a three-year-old would have trouble handling the sort of firearm required to take down a bear.

Bunyan: Could’ve been a three-year-old bear he killed.

Apple: I guess.

Bunyan: Are you sure I’m not real? I mean there’s a statue of me somewhere in the Midwest. It was in the movie Fargo. They don’t make statues out of fake people.

Apple: Not sure if you’re real, but I know you had an ox named Babe.

Bunyan: With whom I built railroads?

Apple: Sure, with whom you built railroads.