A Rental Letter Discovered in My Great-Grandfather’s Files

Uncle Sam salutes all the post officers slain in the line of duty.
March 21st, 1922

Dear Sir,

I write in response to the living quarters posted in this month’s edition of Ernest’s Queue. I see that at the rate of $3.00 (U.S.) per month, to quote you, this rental “will not last!”

Is this phrase in reference to the edifice itself (which will not structurally last, but would explain such reasonable rent) or to the availability of the quarters?

Continuing, you imply that one “must act now!” to lease the residence. To what exactly does “now” refer? Was “now” when you initially composed the advertise- ment? When the editor published said advertisement? Furthermore, how can one truly define “now”?

Considering I have no frame of reference for how long this will last or when “now” is, part of me, namely my wrist, crestfallen, resists pushing pen to paper as I write. For at the very earliest, you will receive this in three business days. By then, certainly “now” will be gone.

Additionally, you claim that “you just have to see it!” Surely you don’t mean to exclude the blind from your pool of prospective tenants. There should be laws against such blatant discrimination.

However, if the aforementioned quarters are indeed still available when you receive this missive, please advise on how to proceed — for it has become quite difficult to procure acceptable, reasonably priced housing that affords a safe distance from the Irish.


Dionysus Volk