Robert Dart

I General Social Data
Your name? Wife’s given and maiden name? Husband’s given name? Full names of children? Names of all other members of the household, and their relation to you? Husband to Lennette Lee, nee Lennette Lee. The only other member of our family is a weimaraner-boxer mix named David Hasselhoff, whose relation to myself is complicated, deep, and troubling.

II Physical and Mental Conditions
Is the importance of regular sleep, bathing, care of the teeth, and regular action of the bowels appreciated? Regular action of the bowels is appreciated on the highest order. My appreciation of other aspects of hygiene shall be listed in descending fashion: regular sleep, bathing, care of teeth, removal of boogers.

III Industrial History
What was your work record at these places for speed, accuracy, regularity, sobriety? I practice the law — quickly, with varying degrees of accuracy. I am very regularly devoid of any sobriety.

IV Education
What was the education of each worker in your family? Did you have any vocational training? David Hasselhoff received two degrees from Pup Scouts Ltd. My wife and I have law degrees. My father was a baker and a fiend, and my mom got scared.