Baron George Ludwig Von Trapp [aka Greg Volk]

I General Social Data
Your name? Wife’s given and maiden name? Husband’s given name? Full names of children? Names of all other members of the household, and their relation to you? Agathe Whitehead Von Trapp, though I fear she is taking ill and shall soon be replaced, ideally with an ex-clergywoman; No children yet, but anticipate Liesl, Louisa, Friedrich, Kurt, Brigitta, Marta, Gretl; I prefer not to acknowledge the help.

II Physical and Mental Conditions
What attention is given to personal hygiene and health by you? My wife in concert with the help, which I am still choosing not to acknowledge, handle most of such matters. I’m too busy making sure we don’t get captured by fucking Nazis! Got it? Gut!

III Industrial History
What was your work record at these places for speed, accuracy, regularity, sobriety? Like I was saying before, let me ask YOU a question: Have you ever had to nail a chorus, like really fucking nail it, at a premiere concert hall – all the while knowing that after the show you’re going to have to sneak through the Austrian hillside just to stay alive? That’s pressure, my friend

IV Education
What was the education of each worker in your family? Did you have any vocational training? As a decorated war hero, prominent community leader, reknowned troubadour, not to mention a baron and all-around badass, I find this query insulting.