Blowguns Are Decent Weapons for Killing

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Hello, I said GREETINGS!!! Oh, I guess you couldn’t hear me because I was speaking through my Blowgun, and you got killed from all the blowdarts that flew out and crushed the only skull you’ll ever have.

But let’s get back to basics. You want your enemies dead, right?! Well get a damn blowgun, and shoot ’em already! You can buy a blowgun, you fecal-feliac, if you get one made of metal, it feels all cold in your hand and plus when you drop it, the guards will hear it go “clangety clang” and be like “whats that” and then you whip out an extra large SMG and waste the creeps. That’s what’s cool. One time a soldier in my platoon got shot, he was like “sarge… save me… my leg is off, from the War!”. I pulled out a blowgun and handed it to him and said “here, attach this at the hip, Steven.” Then I jammed that puppy into his leghole, and he screamed THANK YOU SARGE!

You can’t borrow my new blowgun though. What do you think you are, my soldier friend Steven, who already has one blowgun of mine for a leg??? If you do borrow my blowgun, AT LEAST WEAR A STYLISH BIB YOU CROOK or I’d probably die from infested herpes and end up feeling like a rotted cactus tongue from your sperm. Plus once you start sharing blowguns with DOOFUSES, it makes you all soft and then when its time to kill the guy, you can’t even bring yourself to do it, because some DUMB4LIFE stole your damn BLOWGUN. Sorry, but Sarge has to make a living, and his living is killing you.

Watch out *POW* there goes your OTHER leg, Steven! I just blew stevens last leg off with a gun that was SO big. LETS REVIEW: Here are the weapons on Sarge’s WALL: an icepick, a gavel, two more gavels, a magic spell, a frozen railroad spike, and a Gatling Bomb. None of these really stand up to the blowgun, because a frozen railroad spike doesn’t fit in your pocket. My friend Barry J I remember one time was trying to choose a weapon. I said BARRY, CHOOSE THE BLOWGUN, but he didnt remember my words of wisdom, and his neck popped (it was full of alien termites or something) and got all over the kid’s birthday cake. THAT AIN’T FROSTING TIMMY THATS BLOOD FROM THE MAN WHO HAS DIED!!! Hahahahaha!

SPEAKIN of Which: To those in Sarge’s Kids Club Fan Center, keep the letters SPILLING OUT INTO MY COFFERS. Remember that this month’s theme is “man stuck in a pipe that contains a bomb going off”. Sarge Rules!