A Conversation Between Ed Sullivan and the Biggest Star in TV

Milton Berle in drag (L), Imogene Coca in Ed Sullivan drag (R)

Berle: Could you take a few steps back? You’re standing on my huge dick.

Sullivan: Sorry, I thought standing two feet away from you would be far enough.

Berle: Yeah, you thought wrong.

Sullivan: That reminds me of a funny story. The year is 1964, a group of young kids from Liverpool are playing in the States for the first time…

Berle: [Interrupting] And that group was the Beatles. I know, I’ve heard it a hundred fucking times.

Sullivan: They were screaming like you wouldn’t believe. Some of the little girls passed out you know.

Berle: I know.

Sullivan: Millions watched that night. Over 75 million to be exact.

Berle: It was the only Goddamn thing on that night. What were there, two channels?

Sullivan: TV was different back then.

Berle: Oh, was it? Why don’t you tell me what TV was like back then. I only invented the fucking concept of the modern TV show.

Sullivan: Elvis, the kids loved, too. Boy, how they would scream.

Berle: Could you please move back? You’re right on my dick.

[Sullivan moves three feet away from Berle.]

Berle: Still on it.

[Sullivan moves back a little more.]