Pepsi: What’s in the briefcase?
Coke: Don’t worry about it.
Pepsi: Come on, what is it?
Coke: None of your freakin’ business.
Pepsi: [Chuckling] Oh my God, it’s not the secret formula, is it?
Coke: It’s just…whatever. It’s none of your business.
Pepsi: [Laughing] I can’t believe you have it handcuffed to your wrist.
Coke: Why wouldn’t I? It’s important.
Pepsi: Important?! It’s not even a secret. We did it. We figured out your magic formula. Happened like 100 years ago. Pretty easy to make it turned out.
Coke: It’s not the same thing!
Pepsi: No, it’s not. It’s better. Why don’t you check out a little something called the Pepsi Challenge.
Coke: You know those results were called into question!
Pepsi: Hey, I forgot to tell you, RC Cola called; they said they figured out your secret recipe 50 years ago.
Coke: Yeah, well the new generation called, said they changed their choice.
Pepsi: Hey Coke…
Pepsi: I’d like to buy the world your mom.
[Coke walks off in a huff, his briefcase in hand. Pepsi opens a small vial and does a bump of cocaine. He does it for the irony, he tells his wife every night. He only does it for the irony.]
Enjoy Matt Passet’s writing? Get plenty more of it in issue #4.5 of Whim. Order your copy today!