I work in a KFC and we’ve been getting a lot of girls in here ever since we started selling the Double Down. The problem is I don’t know what to say to them to spark up a conversation. Any chance you know any KFC-themed double entendres I could use?
-Greasy in Greenville

Greasy,

Finally. I’m finally feeling like I can do some good for the world.

How about:

– Applying the secret herbs and spices
– Coloneling her Sanders
– Spraying gravy on the mashed potatoes

and of course…

– Fingerblasting Good

***

I’m sitting here staring at a plate with a hot dog and a donut on it (look, it’s a long story. My ma, she don’t hear too good). It seems like there should be a joke here, but I can’t figure it out. Any ideas?

I wish I was funnier.
-Kip

Hey Kip,

No worries, your boy Vinnie is here to help. Here’s the joke: Vinnie Meatballs fucked your mom while she was making your dinner.

MEATBALLS!

***

No question, just a heads up: My dad found out what you did with my mom and he is PISSED.
-Your Pal in Passaic

Pal,

Thanks bro, but I don’t think your dad found out what I did with your mom. If he had, he wouldn’t be pissed, he’d be impressed. MEATBALLS!

***

CORRECTION: In last week’s column, Mr. Meatballs wrote, “That’s why I like to think about Ringo Starr while I bang your mom” In fact, Mr. Meatballs likes to think about Pete Best while he bangs your mom. MEATBALLS!

Want your questions answered by Vinnie? Write to him at vinniemeatballs@gmail.com or tell your mom to give him the message next time she sees him.