I General Social Data
Your name? Wife’s given and maiden name? Husband’s given name? Full names of children? Names of all other members of the household, and their relation to you? My soon-to-be ex-wife is called Claire. Just me and the other me who freaks out just as the light goes off and worries about money, my failed marriage, and my lack of children.

II Physical and Mental Conditions
Is the importance of regular sleep, bathing, care of the teeth, and regular action of the bowels appreciated? Enough to not be the stinky guy on the subway. But I smoke, so I’m the guy who stinks of cigarettes on the subway. I don’t sleep enough, I sometimes can’t be bothered to get out of bed to brush my teeth if I forgot to do it before getting comfy. Regular action is what magazines were invented for.

III Industrial History
What was your work record at these places for speed, accuracy, regularity, sobriety? Currently a self-employed artist/illustrator/writer. Previously a telesales monkey for a music distribution company, a record store snob, and a supermarket warehouse box-mover.

IV Education
What was the education of each worker in your family? Did you have any vocational training? None. I studied jewellery design at the University of Derby in the UK. I wish I’d paid more attention to geography and history at school.