Plat: Let me put this out there right off the bat. I know I have a bill like a duck, but I’m definitely not a bird. I’m a mammal.
Cham: Everyone knows that. That’s like the most well known piece of trivia. Like Gere putting gerbils in his ass.
Plat: I knew one of those dudes, actually.
Cham: Shit, that’s harsh.
Plat: Where are you, by the way? It sounds like you’re right here in the room with me, but I can’t see you. I see a couch and a chair and a coffee table, but I don’t know where you are.
Cham: You see the couch?
Cham: Check out the center cushion, right in the middle.
Plat: Okay, I’m looking at it.
Cham: Let me ask you this, do couches usually have eyes?
[Platypus looks more closely at the cushion and can just make out the chameleon’s eyes.]
Plat: Shit, dude, you totally got me.
[Chameleon goes back to his normal green color.]
Cham: Yeah, that was a good one.
Plat: Pretty good blend.
Cham: Thanks, man.
Plat: Seriously, though, kind of fucked up that I have a bill. What the fuck kind of mammal has a bill?
Cham: It’s definitely weird, especially because that human saying about if it looks like a duck and sounds like a duck, it’s probably a duck.
Plat: Exactly. I would think of all the animals they could have chosen, choosing a duck is such a fuck you to me. Like I don’t even exist.
Cham: But you do exist. Even though some people think you are mythical like a unicorn, you are not. You definitely exist.
Plat: As opposed to reindeer.
Cham: Yes, nobody knows whether reindeer exist or are just something made up as part of the whole Santa story. It is embarrassing to admit, but there is literally nobody who knows the answer to this.